I’m OK!

So sorry… after I got the (good) news I took some time to myself to go through a “Now what?” phase. Last Thursday I got the news that I do NOT have cancer. Yay!

For the past month and a half, my life has been centred around cancer and how things would look if I started chemotherapy. There were plans, plans of action, business plans, plans for the kids, plans for treatment etc. All of a sudden, in the 3 seconds and 5 words (We didn’t find any cancer) it took, the plans for the next couple of years were nullified.

Included in those plans was a mohawk. I would have “permission” to do something wild and crazy with my hair. I was kind of disappointed. I spent the whole next day amazed at my response and did some questioning as to why I was so attached to my hair… what exactly was holding me back from doing something fun; something that I could look back on and check off the Life To Do List.

A year and a half ago my boyfriend asked me if I’d ever shave my head – I instantly gasped and said “no way!” but quickly added that if I were ever diagnosed with cancer I would. He asked why I would wait for such a traumatic event to do something fun.

The conclusion I came to was that my hair represented a good part of my self-esteem, my “need” to be seen as someone pretty. To have the external validation.

This made me mad. At myself.

Hi. My name is Jodie. I now have a mohawk.

\m/