The Story – Day 3

As “we” all know, all those “Miss Whatever” pageants are supposed to be the height of all that is feminine, soft and beautiful. You are taught to walk like a model, give impromptu, flattering speeches on a wide variety of subjects and smile enthusiastically when parading around in a bathing suit.

While wearing heels.

While trying not to think of everyone looking at your butt.

There were tiaras to fit around (in? through? in spite of?) hairstyles (this WAS the end of the 80’s…) and evening gowns to alter so that you didn’t trip and expose more than you would in the swimsuit.

Problem was, our fierce heroine, bolstered by all the “You’re awesome! You can do it!” feel-good mantras that were woven through all the training, felt on top of the world. Yes, problem… she was wonderful! She was accepted! She could do anything! She was WOMAN! Not just a woman, a STRONG woman.

So… she took being a strong woman to heart.

There was the one particular “skit” all the girls were to do as an entertainment part of the competition. They were to all to go on stage, one by one, prance around showing off “moves” of a sport they chose, go to the microphone, give a trite, feel-good 20 seconds of… something to do with how they were all awesome with cute plays on words to tie it in to the sport she chose… then go to the back of the stage and pose while smiling.

Each girl came out in turn; we had tennis with it’s cute little skirt and headband, there was volleyball all sporty and bouncy and then golf with jaunty little crop pants and cute poses with the club.

The gasp from the audience was audible when our herione came out on stage…

…wearing a lumbar support belt while pumping iron.

Well, she couldn’t very well ride a horse out on stage and start a dressage routine, right?

So, shortly after, she got the good news that she didn’t need to worry about sticking around her hometown for the next year and represent the city at various events wearing a tiara and a sash – she could continue wearing a lumbar support belt at her leisure.

Off to university, because she’d find her calling there? Right?

Hmmmm….

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